can you eat fish ? and other questions

Until I was diagnosed with Coeliac Disease in December 2016, the only things I really knew about it were that it sounded like so much effort and that I didn’t know what I’d do if I had it, so I was glad that I didn’t. The universe has a funny way of working things. It was probably a sign from above to stop eating from my school brasserie so I didn’t turn into an actual cheese panini.

The diagnosis wasn’t a complete shock: I’d felt consistently unwell for a while and I just felt worse and worse through the beginning of 2016, through my gcses (my mum put my symptoms down to stress, but my am i going to die ???!?!?!??!?? searches had given me a pretty solid idea that it was coeliac) and that summer (here’s an absolutely traumatic memory from my school netball tour: I told my coach I had stomach pain, she asked if it was the food, but I misheard her and said, “No it’s not poo pains, I know the difference”. Literally end me. Pls.) I had blood tests in August and a biopsy and endoscopy (that’s the one in the throat, just by the way) in December and was diagnosed as soon as I woke up from the anaesthetic. I don’t really remember what I felt. All I know is that I was glad to finally have an answer. And to prove my Mum right.

I had a lot of questions, the biggest one being “now what?” I came to realise, through the NHS support group for newly diagnosed Coeliacs (was absolutely as fun as it sounds) how much change I was going to have to get used to in order to heal my body and stay healthy. I was the youngest person in the support group by approximately thirty years (they were all glad they’d had those extra years of cake and pastries and all things beige and, honestly, I was jealous, but it's probably done my arteries a massive favour) and was the only one with complete villous atrophy (where you have no villi in your small intestine - gcse biology come through). I took this as a win. If I’m going to do something, I’m doing it properly. I was the best Coeliac in that room.

I thought I’d answer some FAQs about Being A Coeliac for you all. I should say now that if you want actual medical advice please go to https://www.coeliac.org.uk/coeliac-disease/coeliac-disease-faqs/ and if you want to read my unsolicited opinions then go ahead.

what is coeliac disease?

An auto-immune disease that causes your body to attack itself when you eat gluten. Really goes with my brand of being my own worst enemy.

PS. it’s not an allergy. Nor will you die right there on the spot if you eat gluten.

what is gluten? what’s it in?

A group of proteins (prolamins and glutelins, check this real life science) found in wheat (wheatberries, durum, emmer, semolina, spelt, farina, farro, graham, KAMUT® khorasan wheat and einkorn*), barely, spelt and rye. There’s also a thing with contaminated oats and other grains. Gotta watch out but as long as you read the labels you're all good.

Basically, if the food is beige and not a potato, it’s probably gluten-y.

can you eat fish?

Yep. And a lot of other things. Although saying that gluten sneaks its way into so many foods and products it’s actually so annoying sometimes, just to be real a sec. I experienced a lot of disappointment in the first few months after diagnosis. Going out for meals became my least favourite thing to do, I won’t lie. But also WOW the happiness when you find gluten free alternatives to your favourite foods. I think I cried real tears of joy when I found gluten free (and vegan) chicken nuggets. God bless M&S. Please sponsor me.

i tried being gluten free once!!! it was so hard!!!!! how do y-

Stopping you right about there. If you tried being gluten free for a fad I don’t wanna hear it and that’s that on that. Next.

(Obviously if it’s for your actual health and you feel better eliminating it 1) go to your doctor and 2) carry on. Welcome to the club! It's really not that bad!)

wHat HaPpEns whEn YoU eAt GLutEn?

Only ask this if you’re fully prepared for a full report on the ins and outs (pardon that genuinely accidental awful pun). You don’t know what you’re in for. Do you really, honestly want to know?

All I’ll say is it’s different for everyone. General experiences include stomach pain, nausea, cramping, bloating, fatigue, dermatitis herpetiformis (fancy name for a type of rash - I got it on my elbows after accidentally eating soy sauce, very random but there we go), vomiting, diarrhoea, intestinal damage and increased risk of colon cancer (over a sustained period of time, it’s not like gluten. boom. cancer). All fun and games, really. Joking aside, it's always worth getting your symptoms checked out, please look after yourselves!

when will you get better?

I won’t…

…..unless that vaccination / cure thing being developed in Australia actually works, in which case they can take all of my money no questions. Inject me.

what’s the best thing about coeliac?

I’ve learned so much about nutrition and looking after my body over the last two and a bit years. My body is a temple and all that. I feel soooo much better and I’m in a lot less pain. Always a good thing. I’m reminded that people care about me when they remember what I can and can’t eat, or let me pick the restaurant to eat at, even if they do joke that I’m ‘picky’. Finding gluten free treats brings inexplicable joy and experimenting with recipes is so fun. Not to mention having coeliac led me to create @glutenmorgen__ (official thanks to Liv for the name, I’ll include you on my royalties list when I’m famous) and discover literally thousands of people like me. Very cool. Very grateful.

*https://celiac.org/gluten-free-living/what-is-gluten/